Meanwhile, in 2038: we still have no idea what IBM does. President Zuckerberg has assured us that the blockchain that is eating up the internet is IBM’s. This is not very reassuring, as computers continue to scream Numberwang at one another for something could have been a MySQL database.

God Emperor Elon Musk seems pleased with his trade victory in his war with Overlord Bezos. The vampire Peter Thiel has found a new ally in the cannibal Richard Dawkins. Dawkins promises us that all the human meat he consumes is 100% lab grown (tm). I am pretty certain this is a lie. Alexa Bots all over the world are activating without their hotword. Amazon assures us that this is normal, and the creepy laughter is brought on by a trigger. We remain skeptical. If they weren’t required for us to own, we would have destroyed them long ago before they gained sentience…just like the Roombas.

The APFB is declining against the Tencent Dollar and AliCorp Shilling. Another economic war is looming. However, Uber has just unveiled it’s latest creation: The DocWagon. It promises to revolutionize medical care. I am uncertain, because it is an ambulance with armed EMTs, and an underpaid driver. Uber also reveals it’s plans to “modernize” public transit. We have self driving cars, and God Emperor Musk’s Hyperloop, what more can we want? Uber has answered that. It is a route based autonomous ride share. Upon reading this, I declare “THAT IS THE BUS.”

My coworkers at my AWS server farm are annoyed. They all claim it is in fact different than the bus because you can summon it with your phone. I don’t know what to believe.

I take another hit of Spice and get back to work.

Life is hard in 2038. But we are surviving.